Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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