Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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