marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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