i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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