I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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