You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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