you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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