All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God I need to hump something, right now.
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