The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize