The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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