just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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