Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
