new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
