So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
