He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
