Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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