Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need water and some morals
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
