those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
