Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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