I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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