Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
