Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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