I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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