Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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