I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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