That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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