Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
