Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
