I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
