Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
