six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
