Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
