and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
