You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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