for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
