Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
