He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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