I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
