if i can run in heels then i can drive
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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