yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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