Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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