Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
