My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
