im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Farmville is her only friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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