absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
