My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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