Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
