we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
