ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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