Your face is a jimmy john
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
