please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
