Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
