I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
