I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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