guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
