I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Acid is not a monday night drug
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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