rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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