I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize