i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
