Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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