whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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