I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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