We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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