I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
