did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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