Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
