If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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