We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
