it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
barbara walters just said penis...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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