what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
