i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
