I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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