You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's the barista slut.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
