Tell her she can't have a vagina
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
