i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
