omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize