I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
