The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.