my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.