Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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