alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable