Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.