I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
