so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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