i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
