I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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