I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
