Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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